A quotation in a little book called Friends No Matter What is attributed to Barbara Billingsly, and it goes like this:
My friend, if I could give you one thing, I would
wish for you the ability to see yourself as others
see you. Then you would realize what a truly
special person you are.
I like this quotation, because it calls on us to look at ourselves from a different perspective. Most of the time, we see ourselves from the inside out. We’re inside our own heads and think we know who we are.
But what would happen if you paused to take a view of yourself through the eyes of others? What special things do others see in you? What have they told you about you already?
I relate personally to this idea when I go back many years to a time before I was a therapist. As I got more involved in the More to Life personal growth program, people told me that they saw me as kind and insightful. They said I was good at supporting them with their personal issues. I was flattered, but also surprised by how they saw me. What others saw in me significantly affected my decision to become a therapist.
So I ask you, what have others told you about you that is special? And have you let it in?
Unfortunately, all too often the opposite is true. We worry about the negative things, the judgements, that we think others have about us—so much so that we make up 95% of the negativity in our own heads. Of course, others judge us, but not nearly as much as we think. So we walk around with a bunch of negative, unfounded ideas about ourselves. These ideas, accurate or not, come largely from our childhoods. What we came to believe about ourselves then we project onto others and believe they are thinking about us now, when in fact frequently they are not.
Meanwhile, we miss the little amazements and appreciations others have about who we are and what we can do. Others can often see positive things about us that we miss completely.
When I began my private practice, I took a marketing class and one of the assignments was about figuring out what I had to offer people. The assignment had me ask several close friends and associates some questions. Two of them were:
“What do you think is my special gift or talent?”
and
“How would you describe my ‘promise,’ that is, what do you trust will show up when you have contact with me?”
One of the descriptions that came out of this work was that I deliver “truth with compassion” to people. But I never would have gotten to this quality without the eyes of others.
So I bring the question back to you. What have your friends or associates seen in you that is special? Some of these things you may know already. Take just a moment now and remind yourself of them…
And to go beyond what you know already, if you dare, ask someone who knows you what they see in you. Let yourself be open to being surprised and learning new things. For if you had the ability to see yourself as others see you, you may realize what a truly special person you are.