Do you worry instead of sleeping at night? Do you have difficulty turning off your mind and lie in bed with concerns about the previous day or the day coming up? This is one of the most common complaints I hear from clients. Their thoughts race while they are in bed, and they cannot fall asleep. Even if you generally sleep well, there may be times when you wake up, worry about something, and find it difficult to sleep.
My message this month is about a way I have found to sleep when my worries conspire to keep me awake.
It is not surprising that we do not sleep when we are worrying. When we are anxious, the body is aroused—the opposite of what is needed for us to fall asleep. The trick is to turn the mind off enough so that we can relax and sleep. So how do we do this—turn our minds off?
Here is one way to do it. First, get out of bed. The bed is for sleeping, not worrying. This first step is both counterintuitive and difficult. It is counterintuitive because we think we should stay in bed to relax. However, as long as you are in bed worrying and not relaxing, you are defeating your purpose. Also, getting out of bed can be hard, because inertia sets in once we have lain down. Although we are not sleeping, we still do not want to get out of bed. Even so, the first step to breaking the worry cycle is to get out of bed. Use some will power to do it.
Next, find a place where you can sit comfortably but up straight. It is going to be important to be able to breathe. An easy chair may not be the best place. A comfortable kitchen chair or cushioned living room chair will do. It’s okay to use the back for support if you wish.
The next step is almost too simple, and yet there are some tricks to it. The next step is to breathe and watch yourself breathing. The purpose here is to pay attention to something else besides your worrisome thoughts. Take some deep breaths and start to watch your breath coming in and going out. It is helpful to sit up straight with your feet flat on the floor to do this.
As you proceed, one way to watch your breath is to think of it as following a certain path through your body. Think of it as coming in through your nose, up and gathering in your forehead, passing around the top of your head, down your backbone, around the bottom of your torso, up through your gut, up through your chest, up through the throat, and out through your mouth, blowing out gently as though blowing on a candle.
As you watch your breath, your mind is likely to supply some thoughts to distract you. They may even be the worrisome thoughts that conspired to keep you awake. This is normal. What you can do is just notice each thought as it comes, let it go, and return to watching your breath.
This process will gradually relax you. It does so for two reasons. First, as you observe your breath you are no longer thinking the worrisome thoughts. Second, when you breathe fully, you induce the “relaxation response,” calming your central nervous system.
Continue letting go of your thoughts and watching your breath for a few minutes. I do it for 10 to 20 minutes. This may seem like a long time in the middle of the night, but would you rather lie in bed for 20 minutes worrying? Why not use 10 to 20 minutes sitting and using this process to relax?
After a time, notice how you feel. Relaxed, right? Now you can go to bed and let yourself drop off to sleep.
This is Glenn Stevenson with Self Sense Counseling and Coaching. Until next time, I wish you nights filled with restful sleep.