This month, we will look at three differences in romantic and sexual intimacy, the third installment on differences between men and women. .
Some of the ideas here might seem old fashioned, and they may not pertain to every relationship. At the same, many things do not seem to change through time in how men and women differ.
Difference #1. Men tend to focus more on physical interaction and sex. Women tend to focus more on emotional interaction and it being a prerequisite for sex.
The idea that men are more interested in sex is so stereotypical that it seems obvious. Of course, it is not true for all people or all couples. But still, at the basis of men looking at women on the street, of them trying to meet and court a new partner, and of them bonding in a relationship is a fundamental desire for physical intimacy.
Women on the other hand give a higher priority to emotional interaction. This is not to say that women do not like sex. It is just that the emotional interaction and an emotional bond often come before sex for women. Otherwise, a woman does not feel safe or valued.
And herein lies a tip for men. If you want sex, build the emotional relationship with a woman first.
Difference #2. A man wants to court early in a relationship. Most women want to be courted throughout a relationship.
As a man tries to win a woman’s heart, he will do almost anything, invest any amount of time, and spend as much money as he can to make it happen. The problem is, most men forget to woo, to use an old word, once they and their partner have become a couple. Sometimes, a man even comes to believe it is no longer part of what he should have to do to keep the relationship. Men tend not to understand and thus neglect the emotional content of their relationships, which is what wooing is about.
The woman on the other hand still wants that special attention that makes her feel valued and cherished. A woman who is not being wooed after a time can feel unsatisfied, even abandoned. So it is important that a man continue to woo his woman after the initial romance, whether it is with the occasional surprise of flowers, a card, or going out to eat; whether it is washing the dishes, giving her a back rub, or taking her on a weekend getaway. Ask her what makes her feel special. She’ll tell you.
Difference #3. Despite women’s great strides in gaining equality, there is still something in women that wants to be cared for and taken care of. Men at their finest want to care for and protect a woman.
I think this difference between men and women comes from our evolutionary biology, in which men as the physically stronger sex were the protectors. There is still something primal in us in which women want to be thought of as special and worth protecting, whereas the male of our species wants to protect and show he can be a man by doing so. In occasionally taking on these protector-cared for roles, there need not be any diminishing of the woman’s strength, value, or equality. In fact, the idea that the man wants to take care of the woman is a sign that she is valued and worthy.
So there you have it, three more differences between men and women to help guide your relationships. Men tend to be more interested in physical interaction and sex, to want to woo a woman only in the initial romantic stage, and have something in them that wants to care for and protect their women. Women tend to be more interested in emotional interaction and it being a prerequisite for sex, to want to be wooed throughout the relationship, and at times like to be cared for and taken care of.
This is Glenn Stevenson, with Self Sense Counseling and Coaching. Until next time, I say one last time, “Vive la différence!”
Photo from freepik.com