Change is something we all want in some fashion, but we find so difficult to make happen. Today I’m going to discuss with you the four stages of change. Knowing where you are in the changes you want to make can help you to move forward. The four stages to change are:
The Unawareness Stage
Awareness with No Action
Awareness with Awkward Action
Awareness with Easy Action
The first stage is the Unawareness Stage. In this stage, you are oblivious to what would be better for you. Sometimes our friends know, our family knows, our spouse knows, even casual acquaintances may know immediately what behavior or way of thinking would make life easier for us, would help us, or would support us more. We can be the last to know.
For example, remember the last time you ran into someone who was extremely and unnecessarily apologetic, and you said to yourself, “Boy, he or she just doesn’t need to be that way”? He or she might not even know yet.
The second stage of change is Awareness with No Action. Okay, so somewhere along the line, we get the message. Life has nudged us, alerted us, maybe even banged us over the head enough times to where we know it’s time for a change. Maybe our friends have told us enough times, or maybe something has happened enough times that we make the connection that similar consequences have occurred from a behavior in the past. For whatever reason, at some point, we wake up.
Do we do anything about it right away? Usually not. Usually, even though we know a change in our thinking or behavior would benefit us, we remain frozen in our old ways.
Let’s take an example. Let’s say you become aware it would be better for you to set firmer boundaries. You decide you don’t always have to say yes to what others want from you. You decide you don’t always have to be nice and try to please others. So what do you do the next time someone wants you to do them a favor, say, take them to the store because they have to get something right away, and it’s right in the middle of when you’re doing something else? Well, you probably do it. You probably do the favor for them. You’re just not ready for the change yet.
The third stage of change is Awareness with Awkward Action. Okay, so you’ve suffered long enough through knowing it would be good for you to change. You’ve suffered the consequences of avoiding or indulging in the old behavior or way of thinking enough times that you’re ready to push through the fear of doing something differently. So what do you do? Well, you actually push through that fear and overcome the inexperience of doing it a different way, and you do something differently.
And you live happily ever after, right? Well, not exactly. There is this stage of Awareness with Awkward Action in which you do your best to do it differently, but you frankly don’t do it very well.
Again, let’s say you’re learning to set limits or say “No” to others when you don’t want to do something. The person asks you the favor. You stutter and say awkwardly, “Well, maybe, but it’s kind of hard now, but if you really want me to do it I can, but if you can wait, I’d really rather not do it until later.” Or you come up with some excuse for why you can’t do it now, and you hope they forget by later.
There are many variations on awkward action. You may even say or do something that you later beat up on yourself about because it was so clumsy. But at least it’s a change in action or way of thinking. Actually, congratulations are in order, not recriminations.
The fourth stage of change is Awareness with Easy Action. Finally, after enough practice at recognizing and thinking or doing differently, you arrive. Change has become fully integrated in this stage. This is the stage we would all love to be at all the time. When the situation arises, you easily use new behavior or thinking and you reap the benefits that friends and family knew were there for you back in the Unawareness Stage. You reap the benefits you began to know existed for you in the Awareness but No Action Stage.
In our limit-setting example, you say “No” to your friend, that you’re busy now, and you hope they can find another ride to the store. And you do so without guilt. You may suggest an alternative to their proposal, or maybe not. The point is, you know what is best for you, and you’re going to behave in a way that promotes that.
So there you have it, the four stages of change:
The Unawareness Stage
Awareness with No Action
Awareness with Awkward Action, and
Awareness with Easy Action
So where are you in the process with an important change you want to make in your life? Wherever you are, just know that you’re human, going through a normal process of change. And keep up the good work.
This is Glenn Stevenson, with Self Sense Counseling and Coaching. Until next time, I’m wishing you the change you’re going for in your life.