Life has a lot to offer when we stay in the right frame of mind.  This is the story of how I came to understand this, and I coined the phrase:

It doesn’t matter what you do.
It matters how you do it.

Pressures in life make us think that we have to do so many things.  We think the results matter most.  We think it is by our doing that we get to what is important.

However, it is not these things that matter most.  What matters is the state of mind in which we do our daily tasks, work our jobs, and accomplish our goals.

When it comes to accomplishing things, there are basically two states of mind.  One involves pressure, pushing, anxiety, and drivenness.  It can even escalate to irritation or frustration.

When we work in a pushed, pressured, or stressed state of mind, we may well get the results we seek.  We may even think that getting results justifies the pressure and stress.  But there are costs to our well-being when we push in this way.  We can get the same and sometimes even better results by working in a different state of mind.

This other state of mind involves calm, centeredness, ease, and at times even excitement or joy.  In this state of mind, what we do is so much more pleasant and even nourishes us.

So I say:

It doesn’t matter what you do.
It matters how you do it.

When I say “how you do it,” I mean what frame of mind you are in.

How do we get to this place of creating calmly and freely?

One powerful way is to get in touch with the negative ideas about ourselves, others, and life that cause us to push.  These ideas drive us to do the things in a pressured and anxious way.  If we can identify these negative ideas and release them, we can be free to create in a centered, calm way.

So, for example, if you fear not being good enough, stupid, or worthless if you do not do things perfectly, you will be driven in your tasks, anxious about your outcomes, and frustrated when things don’t turn out the way you want.  The results are similar, if your negative self-talk is about being nothing, unlovable, or a failure.  The list of negative ideas about oneself goes on and on.

And I have not even touched the list of negative ideas about others (they can’t be trusted, they won’t do things right, and so forth) or life (It’s unsafe, it’s against me, and so forth).

Realizing and refusing to buy into the negative ideas you have about yourself, others, or life, can open a free space for you to do the things you do.  You can do them more calmly, freely, and with greater joy.  This is the work I do with people all the time.

Years ago, when I worked in my previous career as a researcher at Oak Ridge National Laboratory, I had time and budget pressures.  There seemed always to be the pressures to design proposals, do the background reading, gather and analyze the data, manage subcontractors, go to meetings, and on top of it all, publish in professional journals.  My list of things to do seemed insurmountable.  When things did not go as expected, my anxiety shot up, and I questioned my competence.

It was difficult not to keep my nose to the grindstone.  I believed only by accomplishing all the tasks on the list would I ever find the freedom I wanted at the end of it all.  The problem was that the list was endless.  There was always more to do than I could do.

With time, I learned I needed to handle my frame of mind and then do my work.  It meant taking a few minutes out to do so.  Taking time out took will power, because the time pressure was great.  But I would take the time to look at the events that caused me to get so wound up, feel my feelings, and listen to the negative self-talk.  I could then refute the negativity in my head and release the anxiety and pressure.  I went back to work in an easier and freer way.

Eventually, I came to the helpful belief:

It doesn’t matter what you do.
It matters how you do it.

This is Glenn Stevenson, with Self Sense Counseling and Coaching.  Until next time, I wish you ease and centeredness in what you do.