Are you successful? In Western culture, people certainly center on this question. Indeed, around the world a focus on success has risen to new heights.
Whether you define it as financial success, relationship success, success at power and influence, the success of fame, the success shown in possessions, or whatever other type of success you might think of, we seem always to be going after something.
Even in the realms of self-improvement or helping others, you find people looking for ways to improve themselves or the world we live in, and defining themselves by how things turn out.
The problem with striving for success in any of these ways becomes apparent if one asks, “Can you ever get everything that you want?” Can you ever get as much money as you want, the perfect relationship, your work to be 100% fulfilling, the environment you live in to be flawless, your health and fitness to be just the way you want them, the way you serve others to be completely satisfactory?
So, if you cannot attain all this—or even any of it—are you still successful?
I say, “Yes.” You are successful, even when you have not attained all (or any!) of your goals and dreams.
To come to this conclusion takes a shift in thinking. I do not think of success as an outcome or an accomplishment. I believe that just in being who you are you are successful. You are successful in expressing whatever qualities you have.
As a living, breathing human being—able to experience and enjoy the world, to make choices and create, to love and laugh, and to connect with others—you are successful.
Your place is secure because you are here, now, right where you are, and that is enough.
This is not to say do nothing. Of course, out of who you are, you have goals and can create things. Out of whatever qualities you have, you can do what you want to do, and that is enough. That is success.
There really is nothing more required—except what we make up in our own heads and require of ourselves.
When looked at like this, the answer to the question, “Are you successful?” is always and unequivocally, “Yes!” Failure is impossible.
I am successful, because I am, and whatever I do.
It is important to recognize that what we have done and created has been our best effort and in this sense is inherently successful.
It may not have met our expectations. It may not have met the expectations of others. But it has been successful at creating exactly what it created. And that is good enough. The relevant question is what can we learn from what we have done, whether it reaches our expectations or not.
This approach involves self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. Through accepting and forgiving myself, I can come to say I am successful, just because I am, whatever I have done.
As you read this post, please experiment with it a bit. Let go of all of the wants, desires, demands, “shoulds,” “shouldn’ts,” strivings, and changes you wish would happen, and for a moment, experience what it is like to think and believe:
I am successful, just because I am.
When you have this thought for a moment, how does it feel?
I get a settling in my chest, a solidness, a calmness. You might also get exhilaration.
Whatever the positive feeling, such feelings confirm the statement’s truth.
I am successful, just because I am, whatever I do.
This is Glenn Stevenson with Self Sense Counseling and Coaching. Until next time, my invitation to you is to know that you are successful, just because you are.