“I can’t do it all!” Have you ever said this to yourself? “Overwhelm” seems common these days. So I want to discuss the idea that “I can’t do it all,” and the disempowerment that goes with it.
There are so many demands on us—work, children, keeping up our homes, trying to stay healthy, extracurricular activities, and possibly elderly parents to care for. And these are just the broad categories. We especially get overwhelmed when we think of all the details. Getting the kids to school, getting the dog to the vet, making a dental appointment, paying the credit card bill, going shopping, getting the car washed, exercising, calling a friend back—not to mention all the pressures at work—getting that report written, calling the new client, getting through email, talking with the boss about his or her message, and trying somehow to get to the main function of the job!
We get to the point at times where we cry out, “I can’t do it all!”
Well, today I tell you that you can do it all, and I’m not talking about undoing limited thinking or becoming more efficient. Let me tell you what I mean when I say you can do it all.
For years, “I can’t do it all” turned up in my own negative thinking, and I subjected it to the test I have taught many of my clients. I asked if it was true, false, or “don’t know.” It is, after all, a disempowering thought that is stuck in the middle of bunch of other negative thoughts. Every time I came to this piece of self-talk and asked, “Is it true, false, or don’t know,” I thought, “Yes, it is true. I can’t do it all. With all the things to do in the world and me being a limited human being, I can’t do it all.”
But generally my negative self-talk is false. Why would this one piece be true?
Then one day the key to my dilemma dawned on me. It is false that “I can’t do it all.” I clearly can do it all, with the key word in the sentence being “it.” I am the one who defines the “it.” That little pronoun in the sentence covers as many or as few tasks, responsibilities, needs, and wants as I decide. I choose the “it.”
Once I saw this, I realized I can do it all, because I get to decide the “it.”
So when we get overwhelmed and say, “I can’t do it all,” it is just false. We can do it all, where we get to decide what is included in the “it.”
Now I can hear some of you saying, “But I have to do certain things.” “I have to take care of my kids.” “I have to go to work.” “I have to do certain things my partner wants.” The trouble with making these things into “have to’s” is that we lose choice. Do you “have to” take care of your kids, or do you choose to do so, because you love them and want them to grow up to be healthy, responsible adults? Do you “have to” go to work, or do you choose to, because you want to sustain yourself and your family? Do you “have to” do something for your spouse, or do you choose to, because you want to have a good relationship? Keeping the mindset of choice makes all the difference in an otherwise demanding world.
The other problem with “have to…” is that a lot of less urgent things get thrown into what we think we have to do. How about “I have to get the carpet cleaned,” “I have to get through my email,” or “I have to get those invitations out for the party.” When you keep adding to the “it” of what you think you have to do, you get to the point of “I can’t do it all.”
So for me an antidote to feeling so overwhelmed is to realize that I can do it all, with the “it” simply matching precisely what I eventually do. Of course, I prioritize and work diligently to accomplish the most important tasks. But I forgive myself for the things in the larger “it” that I don’t get to.
This is Glenn Stevenson with Self Sense Counseling and Coaching. Until next time, I invite you to allow the “it” to be equivalent to what you do and forgive yourself for letting go of the rest.